I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
