Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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