He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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