I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
