Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
