I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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