You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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