You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
