i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
