I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
