I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
