the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
