I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
