Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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