she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
