hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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