i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
