So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she told me i tasted like america
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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