I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im holly from the hills drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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