I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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