Is it normal to miss your booty call?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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