Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
