Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
