I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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