the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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