If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize