grandma shit on top of the toilet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
