and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
