Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
