Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
