I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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