areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize