Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
