I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
