i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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