I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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