An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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