1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize