Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
