Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
