I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
