found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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