the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
