Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize