That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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