Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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