Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were destined to go to rehab together
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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