I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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