Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize