I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
