I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
