How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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