are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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