Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
