dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
