i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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