OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
