i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Still dying that you shit outside
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
