Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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