nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
