You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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